Friday, July 31, 2009

The Bantam

Mr Paris and I had a look at the Bantam and made a shopping list for parts to get things going. The fork stanchions have had a section welded in to make them longer so I will get some new ones, some new tires, some new peg rubbers, front mudguard and light bulb holder.

Quite a modest list.

I have found a chap to send me parts which is GREAT!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Dear Granny and Grandpa

Dear Granny and Grandpa,

Thank you for your note. I think I will come and visit. Things have got a bit desperate here. It is raining, the people who gave me to mum said I didn't like the rain and I get cold. When we were at Henley sniffing all the other dogs mum purchased a new fluffy, waterproof, windproof coat. It was dog shaped but actually for the car because that is where it has stayed.

It is raining today.

The coat isn't in the car, it is for me. I do NOT like it. I had to wear it in the boat and if that wasn't embarrassing enough she wanted me to go OUT in it. OUT! OUTSIDE where my public might see me. I refused to move so she carried me out. So I refused to move again and gave her dirty looks.

I do NOT like the coat. It was taken off and put away, but I THINK it might come out again.

What AM I going to do? Even Molly thought it was funny:

Lots of Love


P.S. I had chicken and bone shaped stuff for tea so I think I won the stand off on the toothbrush!

Dear Granny and Grandpa

Dear Granny and Grandpa,
I am NORTY. I ate some books (they were a bit sour), a video (they were boring), a cushion (it was nasty looking) and some sticks but they sticks weren't sticks... apparently it was a picture frame and had one of Cousin Joanna's pictures in. I didn't eat the picture because it was pretty; I thought the sticks spoilt it. Mum doesn't agree.

As it happens I am not hungry, but in my food bowl I have 2 videos, the insides of a cushion, some bits of paper, some cardboard and a beheaded toothbrush. I will eat those later.

A toothbrush! HOW can mum be cross that I ate a toothbrush, she is ALWAYS making sure I have dental chews. As it happens I had to eat the toothbrush, it was self defense.

Mum hasn't shouted, or hit me, or done anything nasty but she is ignoring me. I HATE being ignored.

Can I come and eat your house visit you instead?


Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Bones' Guide to Boating.

I have observed a few things over the last few weeks and I think things are changing on the cut, the language is changing, the rules are changing, and what we deem as acceptable is changing.

1. When a boat is moored at a water point filling with water level your eye brows and tell them it is a stupid place to moor a boat. Preferably raise your voice and shout.

2. Go past moored boats as quickly as you feel like doing - tick over is anything that doesn't involve you falling off the back

3. Buy short ropes, boats going past will stretch them to the right length

4. When you go forward onto a sandbank and get stuck, up the revs just to make sure you are stuck enough, then a bit more just to really make sure. Reverse gear is for show, not for usage

5. When mooring up hit the bank with the pointy end, it is the only way.

6. If a rock is preventing you from getting the pointy and blunt ends into the bank pull it closer to the bank using the power from engine and several friends to drag the boat up.

7. Be very surprised when your boat doesn't rock around once you have moored it on the rocks, and keep going outside to check it still doesn't move. Look surprised all the time.

8. Move on if both ends of the boat are not near the bank.

9. Instead of blaming the rocks in the canal blame the draft of your boat

10. When a boat is moored on a water point on a corner make sure you speed up to ensure the ropes on the boat stretch and pull it into the middle of the cut thus making the gap between the bank and their boat tiny tiny in order to give you something else to shout about

11. If possible spend longer mooring up than cruising. Then sit down and complain about all the boats going past the boat too quickly.

12. Realise you have run out of water, and then go and moor on the afore mentioned waterpoint so other people can shout at you.

Friday, July 24, 2009

AGH - he is dead... NOT

It was the end of a long day, I had dawdled home, parked the motorbike admired the scenery before popping in to make sure Maffi was OK. His engine was running, and the doors were open so I knew he was home. I called - no answer. Strange I thought, so I made my way into the boat, down the steps, over the washing, through the study and as I looked up there on the floor were two legs (I couldn't see the rest of him).. I paused. He has died, fallen, collapsed, or all sorts of other unimaginable things one doesn't want to think about before supper. I paused.. how the HELL was I going to get him out of the boat and onto the bank, did I call the ambulance or the police first! Regaining my composure I slowly made my way into the bathroom to find Maffi lying on the floor. with a big grin on his face, he had diagnosed the problem with his lavatory - a one way valve.

It would appear Maffi has finally decided to fix his lavatory. It has been playing up for some time and finally gave up the ghost along with his Achilles tendon. I don't know whether you have ever tried to be on a boat without a lavatory and unable to move very far, but if you do end up in such a circumstance make sure you are in a splendid community. On the first day Dusty visited and before he could say anything Maffi was in the car giving directions to the pub for the lavatory. The next day St Timmy of the tea rooms picked him up and took him to the lavatory and the tea rooms. Then he had surgery, and today his daughter is driving all the way over from the west country to take him to the lavatory I mean visit.

Funnily enough Maffi has spent a day talking about his valve and how it needs taking out. He has given me good instructions on how to do it, but made it sound as though he is talking it through for himself. He pointed looks at the loo, and every conversation seems to involve a valve of some sort...

Oh dear..I hope this isn't a good Samaritan calling! Perhaps I will put a cushion in the bathroom and some screw drivers so he can sit comfortably....! A sign on the door that says 'I am not dead, just lying down fixing things' wouldn't go a miss either.

In other news the operation went well. Himself is home with his leg up eating pain killers.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Nurse Bones to MAFFI

A few comments on my Nurse Maffi have led me to make it clear that Maffi is NOT A DOG. MAFFI IS a human.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Nurse Bones.. AGAIN

Yep, he has done it again, but this time it is the other end of his body that has suffered a trauma... Maffi has snapped his achilles tendon, tripping over ropes on the boat. Oh dear. Surgery starts tomorrow morning and marks the start of the journey along the road of recovery. Anyone that has done this, or knows someone that has, it isn't an enviable one!

In the meantime the wounded soldier is being spoilt rotten by the locals and mostly watching videos... when he isn't been taken around the county for a hair cut! Today he has been delivered to the local tea rooms, so I expect to see a very happy bunny when I get home.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Dear Granny and Grandpa

Dear Granny and Grandpa,
Guess what! I am wearing MOLE, real mole!!!! I have been trying to wear mole for quite some time, but whenever I spot it and roll in it mum starts hollering like a banshee and to be quite frank it is rather embaressing. Today however I managed to do it without her noticing!!! The mole is flat as a flat thing in flastville, I think the field giant (there is one) must have sat on it. I have it on my derrier, my back, my shoulder AND my head!!!! Fantastic... I had a fantastic time before I was called away (which I ignored for as long as I could) AND we managed to get home before it rained so the delicious smell didn't get washed away. I did try and bring the mole home, but mum said we had quite enough. tsk.

When we were out for a walk the other week we came across as boat tortoise:

I thought it hissed at me when I tried to give it a kiss, but apparently it is the sound of expiring air that is required to deflate its lungs to go back in its shell. (aren't I clever!). I cant remember the tortoises name, but it wasn't called Boots and it didn't come home with us.

I have a new toy. Do you remember the pink funky bird I had when I first moved here? Well, I thought it looked better without its head so I ate it. Mum decided I needed a 'change' so she bought me this:

I have NO IDEA what to do with it; I tried to bite its head off but it squeeked!

Mum wants to be a carpenter. Apparently something hasn't quite worked out quite right and now she wants to be a carpenter and do lots of lovely things on the boat. Fortunately my bed isn't made of wood so that is safe for now.

Lots of Love

Travelling Books

I was strolling down the tow path the other day when Maffi came across a book in a plastic bag carrying a sign

'pick me up!!! I'm a travelling book! I'm not lost! Please take me with you, and help me to continue my journey'

You can find more by visiting

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Well, the script is good, the paintwork is appauling, but then what DID I expect with an old acrylic brush I found at the bottom of a draw? The next letter will be done with more care, and by the time I do the top coat it should all be perfect...!

So, Bones has a 'b'.... the rest is to follow sometime.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Postal Telepathy and Banking

So, Miss T managed to send me a letter through the post with a 2p stamp. Well, I have one up - telepathy!

I was exercising my grump by writing a snotty letter to the bank concerning some 'communication issues'. I finished it telling then that if I didn't hear from them within 7 days I would close my account. I folded up the letter, put it in an envelope, put it on my desk to post and blow me down - the phone rang.

The bank!


Funny how Victorian novels depict bankers as important respected people worthy of looking up to, yet today it is a term of abuse.

Friday, July 10, 2009

TONIGHT! Kate Saffin in Banbury

Kate Saffin will be performing in Banbury TONIGHT! The venue is Tooleys Boat Yard dry dock.
I saw the show last year and it was EXCELLENT! If you are in the area, do go!

The show lasts about an hour and it really is excellent fun!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

The Tow Path

The towpath is stunningly beautiful at the moment; the wild flowers are glorious. These pictures are taken with my camera phone but they might give an impression of the morning splendour.

How did she do that?

Miss T has many talents, but when a letter arrived for me today that was posted yesterday with a 2p stamp on I was impressed! There was no request for extra postage either!

Was it a special postal rate for the 1 July?

Wednesday, July 01, 2009


On Monday Mr Paris, Timmy (of the tea rooms), Maffi and I headed over to Cassington to look at the bikes. The British bikes park on the green which makes life a lot easier for arriving and leaving. My bike is an AJS - British label but made in Brazil and really not British at all. I thought I was going to have to blag my way onto the green, but the first man just waved me on, and the second looked at my bike covered his eyes and then waved me on. It was a good night - I rather like the Douglas...