Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Bones' Guide to Boating.

I have observed a few things over the last few weeks and I think things are changing on the cut, the language is changing, the rules are changing, and what we deem as acceptable is changing.

1. When a boat is moored at a water point filling with water level your eye brows and tell them it is a stupid place to moor a boat. Preferably raise your voice and shout.

2. Go past moored boats as quickly as you feel like doing - tick over is anything that doesn't involve you falling off the back

3. Buy short ropes, boats going past will stretch them to the right length

4. When you go forward onto a sandbank and get stuck, up the revs just to make sure you are stuck enough, then a bit more just to really make sure. Reverse gear is for show, not for usage

5. When mooring up hit the bank with the pointy end, it is the only way.

6. If a rock is preventing you from getting the pointy and blunt ends into the bank pull it closer to the bank using the power from engine and several friends to drag the boat up.

7. Be very surprised when your boat doesn't rock around once you have moored it on the rocks, and keep going outside to check it still doesn't move. Look surprised all the time.

8. Move on if both ends of the boat are not near the bank.

9. Instead of blaming the rocks in the canal blame the draft of your boat

10. When a boat is moored on a water point on a corner make sure you speed up to ensure the ropes on the boat stretch and pull it into the middle of the cut thus making the gap between the bank and their boat tiny tiny in order to give you something else to shout about

11. If possible spend longer mooring up than cruising. Then sit down and complain about all the boats going past the boat too quickly.

12. Realise you have run out of water, and then go and moor on the afore mentioned waterpoint so other people can shout at you.


Blogger Heth said...

To get things in perspective, this isn't a guide to boating, it's a cleverly disguised rant that appears to be aimed at any & all of us. If this post is a judgement "in general" then the majority of us boaters who have consideration for others & follow the rules have been incorrectly dumped in the same category as those who do not.
It seems a shame & a bit sad for anyone to focus on the negative & blow it out of proportion like that...


1:50 PM  

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