Dear Granny and Grandpa

Holidays are quite unbearable. When I was bundled into the car with my suitcase I thought I was coming to visit you but it quickly became apparent after endless stops to look at bits of water or rocks in the ground that we weren’t.  Mum says we are on holiday and we are to relax.

RELAX.  Huh. As if she would know ANYTHING about that! First of all we STILL don’t get any lie ins. This morning we were up at the usual time for an ‘explorative walk around the area” I went to the lavatory very quickly so I could go back to bed but she never gets the hint. Then SHE had breakfast and came back to the room regaling me with how full she was. I suggested a snooze but being human she decided to take some exercise and… off we went, just like that.

It started off reasonably well.We  had a nice walk up a hill to look at the view. We sat down for quite some time which was wonderful. Then, after a snooze in a coffee shop I was dragged off for what she called a ‘stroll’. ‘I think we will just have a look up here’ she said, it won’t take long then we can have a cup of tea. Off we went and she just kept on going. We stopped once or twice when the wheezing became too much for her but we got higher and higher and higher. Oh Granny it was hateful. We walked MILES! UP a HUGE hill, along the top of it, around it, and then she got lost so we had to clamber down a steep slope hanging on to everything possible to stop us having a sudden decent.  I was so grumpy by the time we got back that I shouted at everything. There was a cat which just laughed because Mum had turned purple from the walk and the dogs all looked so happy and cheerful. They had NO IDEA how far we had walked so I shouted at them. Nasty nasty nasty.  Eventually we were allowed to sit down and I was too tired to be shouty any more and collapsed. 

At one point on the nasty high up walk we came upon Mum’s worst nightmare:

She hates these.  It is all I can do to get a rest every now and again so I refuse to climb over them and then she has to carry me. It takes a while for her to work out how to do it which is a marvellous opportunity for a rest (and a bit of a giggle)   I lay down triumphantly while she peered at it and then to my horror she seemed delighted because in the distance there were three handsome young chaps. ‘Oh Good’ she said. Well, I looked up and lo – there they were, I suppose she thought I would be a good excuse to get an introduction:

I immediately leapt up the steps before Mum could even comment and she HAD to come too because she was attached to me with her lead. We went up the ‘steps’ at quite a pace and at the top I didn’t bother with the steps going down and leapt to safety (there wasn’t a moment to waste) -I forgot Mum isn’t so agile so that bit got a bit messy but we landed without damage.   I held my head up high walked past  the chaps and quietly growled at the same time. Granny – they were half dressed! Quite abominable.  Mum tried to look unflustered but it didn’t work.

We went for a drive down memory lane after that which was very helpful as we got rather lost so I slept quite well apart from the shouting from the sat nav when it got utterly confused.  We were going to end our day in a pub that likes dogs but they turned out to be utterly hopeless and unfriendly so we snorted and left.  Mum seems to be annoyed that she can’t find somewhere to eat but I have offered her my bowl of food. I am too tired to eat.

Holidays?! I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D.

Lots of Love

Your devoted grandson

Boots.