Sunday, April 20, 2008

Spiders, Mosquetos, bites and bed chambers

The boat is covered in tiny little horrid bitey things, and the spiders are not building webs across the windows yet - it must be too early for them. This is most un-satisfactory. I have spent sometime enjoying my 'squash the mosquito' game but the walls are gradually changing from white to red, and it seems to have little impact on the population. They are having little impact on me, but I know they will start sucking my dry in not time; previous experience tells me this is another thing I don't enjoy.

On another note, the huge spider I mentioned a few days ago is doing well, but much to my horror there is another one lurking around the ceiling. The horror comes because that one is a male, and much much bigger - does the insect world have no dignity. My bed chamber is for ladies, and it is most bad mannered of a couple to move in without an invitation. Not only that, but they are not catching and eating all the flies. I am wondering how i can persuade them to move from their home aloft to the window by my head to protect me in my slumber from the blood sucking vampires of the night.


Anonymous kh said...

Cloves of garlic, crucifixes, wooden stakes, silver bullets are highly recommended in the literary world to deal with those with blood lust. I have severe doubts about their efficacy in the real world. Around the Oxford area, it is a fair bet that the education that permeates the very atmosphere is bound to affect the insect world and they, of course, having read the books, would be wise to the feeble efforts of man (or in this case woman)to visit a pogrom on their world.

The answer maybe is to move out of the area and possibly live further from water.

More seriously it appears that some people are more susceptible to insect bites than others. I'm sure resaech is available, if you know where to look (or can be bothered), to advise whether thi susceptibility is due to blood group, feromones or the taste of your exuded perspiration. Sorry I forgot. Horses sweat, men perspire and ladies merely glow. So perhaps you should glow a little less.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Jim Crow said...

Insects are not reknown for their ettiquette in the bedroom or any where else for that matter. Regular chemical warfare is quite effective. Not thermo-nuclear devices as they tend to affect the scenery in the vicinity.

Your local supemarket should be able to supply your chemical needs. Failing that, ask at your local US Air Force base for some spare "Agent Orange" but do not spray near plants.

5:57 PM  
Blogger MortimerBones said...

i couldn't possibly Kill them! I think I shall leave a mosqueto trail to the window and hope they move to the more suitable location.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous jim said...

It's your eternal optimism in the face of proven knowledge and experience that I love most about you. Hee. Hee!

8:18 PM  
Blogger MortimerBones said...

Bones blushes and giggles!. =o)

are you the same Jim as Jim Crow and do you have a blog site?

9:16 PM  
Anonymous I, Jim (Crow) said...

Oh Shock ! I am undone! To think that there maybe another. And, like Valentines cards, you are not suppose to enquire as to the contributor's identity as long as it polite and respectful. But Yes Jim, Jim Crow and I are three of the same person. But fear not young lady your honour is safe.

8:55 PM  
Blogger MortimerBones said...

good lord, to suggest I have honour is nothing short of crime!!! reveal yourself.

9:27 PM  
Anonymous jim crow said...

Reveal Myself ? I cannot do that as the Magistrate told me I would be detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure for a repeat offence.

I have posted before as a prospective pet in the guise of a nonny mouse but I thought you had penetrated the disguise by your reference to buns.

So traumatised was I by your cruel & callous rejection in this role that I determined to try a different soubriquet. I will not raise a titter from you at my expense by revealing myself especially in front of all these people.

5:59 PM  

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