Memories

This time last year I was sitting by my Mothers bedside for 4 days a week to help with her care.  This time this year I am left with the memories. 

There are things in August that our family used to do together and this year our family is a bit smaller than it was. It may be smaller in number, but bigger in heart.  I am arranging things my Mother did so naturally and easily (however she did it is beyond me!!). The time I have will not be spent by her side. It is no surprise therefore that my mind is thinking of my Mother.

It is nearly 6 months ago that Mum was buried. She suffered a long illness and when I look back at the photographs of that time I can see just how poorly she looked.  I didn’t notice at the time because despite not being mobile her spirit was strong, her quality of life high and her passions in full swing - in between the screaming pain that is.  She is gone now and we are left of memories. The memories of her and the knowledge of how her life unfolded.  A life that lived, cried, loved and died.

She had to go. I know that. Her body failed her and she left us in good order; every word spoken; every thought said. As her body lay empty there was nothing I wished I had said. Nothing.  I don’t think there was anything left for her to say either.  The chapter had ended.  There was no opportunity for a  new chapter.

Following her death there was a lot of stress to do with various aspects of her life. Then, after a few months, I felt she had been away long enough really and it was about time she came back.  Of course, she won’t.

Now I am left with memories.  It is funny how things unfold around us and I am remembering things I never had to remember because they were the constants, the loops that went over and over again.

I wonder what memories I will leave when I am gone, when the dust has settled and only memories are left in those I leave behind.  I wonder what memories we will all leave behind.