Wednesday, August 01, 2012


This time last year I was sitting by my Mothers bedside for 4 days a week to help with her care.  This time this year I am left with the memories. 

There are things in August that our family used to do together and this year our family is a bit smaller than it was. It may be smaller in number, but bigger in heart.  I am arranging things my Mother did so naturally and easily (however she did it is beyond me!!). The time I have will not be spent by her side. It is no surprise therefore that my mind is thinking of my Mother.

It is nearly 6 months ago that Mum was buried. She suffered a long illness and when I look back at the photographs of that time I can see just how poorly she looked.  I didn’t notice at the time because despite not being mobile her spirit was strong, her quality of life high and her passions in full swing - in between the screaming pain that is.  She is gone now and we are left of memories. The memories of her and the knowledge of how her life unfolded.  A life that lived, cried, loved and died.

She had to go. I know that. Her body failed her and she left us in good order; every word spoken; every thought said. As her body lay empty there was nothing I wished I had said. Nothing.  I don’t think there was anything left for her to say either.  The chapter had ended.  There was no opportunity for a  new chapter.

Following her death there was a lot of stress to do with various aspects of her life. Then, after a few months, I felt she had been away long enough really and it was about time she came back.  Of course, she won’t.

Now I am left with memories.  It is funny how things unfold around us and I am remembering things I never had to remember because they were the constants, the loops that went over and over again.

I wonder what memories I will leave when I am gone, when the dust has settled and only memories are left in those I leave behind.  I wonder what memories we will all leave behind.


Anonymous Malcolm said...

Hi Bones
My Dad died suddenly last year and I'll remember him as he was the last time I saw him.
Now as you did, I'm currently spending much of my time at my Mum's bedside. It's difficult watching her fade away, but when the time comes I'll try to remember as she was when she was well.
None of us can know the memories we leave behind, but I'm sure yours will be good ones.

6:15 PM  
Blogger MortimerBones said...

Malcolm, I have been thinking of you.

10:44 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home