Saturday, February 05, 2011

In a tight spot.

I had a lovely shopping spree with Elizabeth a few weeks ago and came home with 3 skirts - THREE!

These skirts are full length and have a lot of material about them and I have never worn anything so completely and utterly impractical in my entire life.  I did dress to wear one to work but I put my shoes on, stood up and the skirt didn’t stand up with me.  Thus I haven’t worn them outside yet. Instead I have been practicing wearing them at home.

When I stand up it is pot luck as to whether the skirts comes with me. When I walk down the boat I end up with various things attached to it – the most recent being a trolley I had put together. I extracted the trolley, knelt down to extract the dogs paw, stood up and then had to bend down to pick the skirt up and reattach it to myself.

Due to the hazard of skirt wearing and the rapid speed one can become undressed I decided, for decencies sake, to buy some tights. This thought was encouraged by Elizabeth who told me about some blue tights with silver bits in in Marks and Spencer that would be perfect: so off I went.  As I emerged in a sea of tights all I could find were blue ones with Gold bits (definitely Gold according to several co-shoppers) and not the ones I was looking for.

I didn’t buy any tights.As I stood in the sea of denier and colour confusion feeling my pulse rise I was reminded of the last time I purchased tights – it was 2004 and here is what I wrote at the time:

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I would like to share with you the ‘joys’ of buying tights. I don’t know if you have ever tried to do this, if you haven’t - DON’T, send someone instead… it’s one of the most stressful and traumatic experiences possible. A few days ago I bought a new mini-skirt and decided I needed some black tights for it so I could pootle off to work and look glamorous (a new phase of mine) my red and black striped tights didn’t quite pull off the style I was looking for. I decided the best place to find glamorous leg accessories would be a department store. After extensive navigation in Debenhams I found the ‘tights section’… there are SO MANY PAIRS OF TIGHTS… and they are all either beige or black. How can 2 shades have so many variety of sties? I was getting more and more stressed as I rummaged through shiny, matt, 10,15 and 20 denier (whatever that is – there was nothing to explain), pull-ups , tights etc., and then there were the different sizes. My brow grew heavier and my only comfort was the erupting sound of ‘the slave’ (the younger generation who had come shopping with me) – who was in hysterics and being no use at all. Eventually I grabbed the nearest I could find and emerged… I didn’t know shopping for legs could be so traumatic.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous grey wolf said...

Would braces help?

5:09 PM  
Blogger NB Driftwood said...

I like to buy my tights in Boots (the chemist - not wearing Boots - although that can be good as if they are long boots you don't need to put tights on under a long skirt!). Anyhow I digress.... try Boots - I have tightophobia too and I find I understand the tights in there.

Sue on Driftwood

7:50 PM  
Blogger Jayne Toyne said...

Skirts.
I grew up wearing trousers. i had long hair ergo, I felt female, so trousers were my main method of dressing.
Then I had my hair cut short, I decided skirt wearing might make me appear more female.
I have grown quite fond of two skirts, (both second hand off ebay) they are very practical as it happens, as they finish mid shin. A good sturdy practical pair of boots are required to make skirts in anyway practical or suitable for daily wear.
I have a long skirt, entirely not practical for anything but funerals and walking around in open spaces where steps and other changes in terrain are kept to a minimum. Otherwise, as you rightly say, you end up de-skirted.
Skirts are a very good mode of attire as long as one finds the correct length.
a good sturdy pair of tights can last for years. find some good ones, look after them and you wont need to endure the leg department in the shops for a long time to come.

1:32 PM  
Blogger artymess said...

That story of the skirt is hilarious ....I have had similar problems with long skirts ...I thought it was beacuse my legs are too short !!! I am pleased there are others out there similarly afflicted.(not the short legs thing but the inability to be feminine with long floaty skirts on)....and the tights thing i have stopped buying them ....was also worried about my blood pressure ....thanks for sharing....

11:41 PM  

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