Dear Granny and Grandpa
Mum is busy. Busy busy busy. She goes to work, comes home and then sits and reads or writes. She says it is all part of her job and she has to write a grant proposal which apparently takes time. So does playing ball, but I suppose it doesn’t take the right sort of time. To be fair she does come home early sometimes – like today, but only because her patient went home earlier than she expected and not especially to see me. Coming home early means we go for a walk but then she does more work!. It seems that jobs are important. I need a job.
I THINK I might have found the perfect one:
to prevent an absentminded incumbent from being repeatedly humiliated
in the management of a not overwhelmingly busy parish.
The successful candidate will be able to show:
Slavish devotion to his/her master
A preference for the shadows
A silent tread
The ability to remember things everyone else has forgotten, in particular the location of interred cadavers
He/she will ideally possess:
A degree in necromancy, witchcraft, or similar
A voice resembling the late Peter Lorre
Own cloak of secrecy
Accommodation provided in church cellar. Gruel and rat allowance. Terms on application.
Apply to: The Rectory, Swanvale Halt, Surrey
I am going to work on my application tonight and apply and I like rats.
Lots of Love
Your devoted Grandson Boots