Dear Granny and Grandpa

Mum hasn’t quite worked out that walks are all about chasing deer, eating rabbits and running around. She thinks it is about ‘No’, ‘Come’, and ‘Sit’ and her heal. She does have a nice heal, I must admit, but why she has to keep mentioning it when we walk together is beyond me, besides, she keeps it in her shoes… my heal on the other hand….   Anyway, I have decided that she needs training so I have decided to take her to classes. Thank you for telling us about the ones near us.

We went for our first one on Sunday with Arnty Gilly and my friend Maggie.  Maggie is fantastically funny. She HATES cars, has fantastic eyebrows and her hair style is so excellent that she is perfectly out of focus ALL THE TIME.  WE were a bit worried as mums can be embarrassing  but we had a really good time.  I was really worried I would need to go to the lavatory, but I didn’t.

Following classes, Mum and I have had to reach a compromise. I have learnt that when she prattles on, the way to stop her is to eat what she calls a ‘treat’ – which is actually a dried up biscuit waved in front of my nose served withOUT custard.  Firstly she says something enthusiastically which is exciting to listen to and then it goes quiet and she points at the ground (she calls it down for some reason). This carries on for a while, so I have a sit down and look around. It gets a bit boring, so I try and take the treat and she doesn’t let me have it!!! After a while I get so tired following this treat around that I have a lie down. Then she gives me the treat (still without custard). Usually I am not bothered, but I find that the whole pantomime stops after I have eaten a few of the biscuits and then I can go back to bed and think about poetry, physics or the moon. 

The biscuits aren’t that great to be honest, but something that is good about training is Arnty Gilly showed mum real treats. They stink. All treats should, or they aren’t treats, and they don’t need custard.