Dear Granny and Grandpa
I am a success. A complete and utter success. Uncle Stefan thinks I am brilliant; Uncle Ian has been fattening up the rabbits for my next visit (don't tell mum, she thinks it is norty to eat rabbits); and Uncle Bottle and Arnty Wozie love taking me for walks. I like taking Uncle Bottle into the hedges at high speed to chase cats. Apparently this is norty, but the cats looks so fluffy and cute and cuddly and edible and they are irresistable. Uncle Bottle doesn't agree... sigh. Not only that but Mr Paris is beginning to fall for my charm and is getting fond of me! I never thought that would happen... especially after I ate his fish food and re-organised his boat when I went to visit (oopsie).
The only person I am not a success with is mum. This morning we went for a lovely walk through the woods and I spotted a dead mole. Mum noticed it too and gave me an eyebrow and a stern look so I skipped over it and followed her away from the mole (I did hesitate and she had to put her hand on my collar, but that was just a minor mishap). Unfortunately I felt so proud of myself I got a bit distracted and ran off into the trees to celebrate. She called me back but I didn't hear because my nose ran off, and I had to follow it because dogs look silly without noses. Anyway, before I knew what had happened I had eaten the head off a rotten old rabbit. I tried to hide the rest of the rabbit in my mouth, but it all went a bit wrong so mum, me and the dead headless rabbit did a dance. Mum won. I was frog marched home.
Mum doesn't approve of me eating rabbit, and is a bit worried that this one might mix my toes up (whatever that is), she couldn't tell because its head was gone. Mum is weird, it was just a rabbit.
We disagree on the categorisation of Rabbits.
In other news I am learning Physics; Arnty Heather wrote a clever book about physcis and mum says we have to learn all about it as it is excellent . I haven't met Arnty Heather yet so I don't know if she loves me, but I know you have. She is scottish and plays cricket (and chess), cricket has a ball in it, so I think I will like her.
Lots of Love
Your devoted Grandson
Boots
The only person I am not a success with is mum. This morning we went for a lovely walk through the woods and I spotted a dead mole. Mum noticed it too and gave me an eyebrow and a stern look so I skipped over it and followed her away from the mole (I did hesitate and she had to put her hand on my collar, but that was just a minor mishap). Unfortunately I felt so proud of myself I got a bit distracted and ran off into the trees to celebrate. She called me back but I didn't hear because my nose ran off, and I had to follow it because dogs look silly without noses. Anyway, before I knew what had happened I had eaten the head off a rotten old rabbit. I tried to hide the rest of the rabbit in my mouth, but it all went a bit wrong so mum, me and the dead headless rabbit did a dance. Mum won. I was frog marched home.
Mum doesn't approve of me eating rabbit, and is a bit worried that this one might mix my toes up (whatever that is), she couldn't tell because its head was gone. Mum is weird, it was just a rabbit.
We disagree on the categorisation of Rabbits.
In other news I am learning Physics; Arnty Heather wrote a clever book about physcis and mum says we have to learn all about it as it is excellent . I haven't met Arnty Heather yet so I don't know if she loves me, but I know you have. She is scottish and plays cricket (and chess), cricket has a ball in it, so I think I will like her.
Lots of Love
Your devoted Grandson
Boots
posted by MortimerBones at
11:03 AM
4 Comments:
oh grief boots, you need to behave or mum might not let you have those horrible ear things to chew.
now be a good boy and behave!
Ganny
(Free2live)
oh tell mum, she should write doggy naratives for swooning dog lovers, granpas says they will sell very well, as they are funny and readable
Excellent post! You should write for a magazine . . . oh you do oops.
Well done Boots, I'm glad to see you've remembered the lessons I taught you (even though I couldn't demonstrate them because my Dad kept me on a lead)
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