The weight upon my shoulder

My mothers funeral marked the end of many years together, we, our family, walked together through thick and thin and somehow stayed together; tied together in Love. 

Now my mother has gone it feels like the end of a era. A life lived so full has ended and it is the end of so many things. She gave her life in so many ways and now she has gone.

Never have my footprints on this earth felt so heavy, I have never felt so firmly attached to this world, the world that Mother has left behind to make of it as we will.

Strangely I am not sad. I will miss my Mum, but I am not sad – never has a chapter of life ever felt so finished, so complete and so peaceful.  She had to go and she went with such grace, such peace and such calm.  As she lay taking her last breaths I stroked her arm and I told her I was so proud of her and that I loved her, I thanked her for the life she gave me. It was true to the very core of my being.

And so as my mother carried us so we carried my mother into the church and then finally to her final resting place.  It felt good having the weight of our mother on our shoulders. We didn’t follow behind as we so often did, instead we held her, claimed her and did the one last thing we could for our Mum. Carried her. We walked the final stage together with her on our shoulders. Arms crossed over each other and under her.

The new life has started, the new chapter begun. Life for us is going to be so very very different. I await with curiosity to see how it will be. No longer can we hear the sound of her voice or feel her. She just is not here, but we are, those left behind are here together.

I am not sad my mother has died, I am more glad that she lived and she was mine. May she rest in peace and rise in glory with wings as eagles as in our hearts.